Departures

In a number of articles I’ve written about how difficult it is moving to Australia, and leaving close family and friends in your country of origin. In Decisions and distance I said that missing people ‘back home’ is one of the hardest things to deal with about our relocation.

This week we said goodbye to my parents who had been visiting from the UK for six weeks. During that time my sister also flew in for a visit. It had been a year since we’d been together and it was a long year of missing them, worrying about them, and feeling guilty about being so far away.

Saying goodbye at the end of their visit was very hard, and has made me think about the distance dilemma all over again…

Quality time, making memories

When we decided to relocate to Australia we hung onto the belief that although we wouldn’t see family and friends as often, we would see them for longer periods of time. We told ourselves that this would mean more quality time together overall.

Now that we’ve had our first long term house guests, I’m convinced that the time we spent together was special. However, for me, the jury is still out on whether it really replaces seeing each other regularly.

In Ten tips for surviving long term house guests, Lesley Snell recommends: Have fun and create memories. There were plenty of moments during the time we had our visitors that this advice came to mind. On a daily basis I was reminded of what a precious time we were having together.

To add to this, Grandma kept a holiday journal of everything we did. She included tickets and postcards of places we visited, items we found on the beach, and drawings done by the children. It’s a wonderful keepsake of their first visit. I’m sure keeping a journal or scrapbook will become a ritual in years, and visits to come.

The airport drop off

All too soon though, the six weeks were over and it was time to say goodbye and I was left wondering, “Is this really worth it?”

My four year old was particularly emotional about his grandparents departure so we decided not to linger at the airport. I didn’t trust myself to manage my emotions if he was upset. For us, dropping and running worked best.

In hindsight I should have asked someone to look after the children so that their goodbyes were easier, and I could have helped my parents through the airport. Something to remember for next time…

One year and one visit on – is it easier?

We’re also celebrating our one year anniversary in Australia. During the past year I’ve often said I wanted my family to see where we were living so that they can understand why we’ve left everything behind for a new life down under. With this recent visit we’ve achieved that.

Our family have seen that where we’re living is beautiful, the people are friendly, and we have a supportive network of friends. They’ve seen that the children are happy and thriving, which they know was our main objective. Now when we speak to them and talk about the places we go and people we spend time with, they’ll have firsthand experience.

Does this make coping with the distance easier? I expect it makes it easier for them. Surely the familiarity makes us seem less far away (I’ll have to ask them!); but has their visit made the separation easier for us? I wonder whether our second year in Australia is going to be as hard as our first.

At the moment, I think the distance will seem easier for a few months, whilst the visit is still fresh, but I’ll soon start missing people just as much as I did before. This will mean that I’ll still be wondering; is it worth it? Despite these difficult emotions my response at the moment is ”yes” but it’s a reluctant, slow “yes”, rather than a shout it from the rooftops “YES!!!!”. Perhaps when I get used to the goodbyes my response will be a more positive, positive. In the meantime, we’ve all got great memories and future visits to plan.

I’d love to hear thoughts, experiences and\or words of wisdom from other mums, whatever stage you’re at in your relocation, especially if you can convince me that this will get easier over time!