Split

When I speak to friends and family from the UK they often ask, “Are you feeling settled?” It’s a normal question to ask someone who has moved to a new home, regardless of whether it’s in a new country.

My recent response to my mum when she asked this question was “Yes, but I don’t really feel like I belong.”

One year into our move to Australia, I feel settled in our home and in our suburb in Sydney. The place feels familiar, I know where most things are, and if I’m away for a day or night I look forward to coming back.

I’m comfortable where we’re living, but there’s a large part of me that still feels like an outsider, perhaps something like the new girl at school or at work.

Although culturally Australia is very close to the UK, when I’m completing routine tasks I often feel like I’ve got a sign on my head that says “New Girl!” I still worry that I’m not doing things properly, or that I’m going to say or do something that causes offence in the new country I’m calling home.

I wonder whether other mums feel the same, or whether mums who have been here longer can tell me when this feeling passes.

For the first few months after our arrival I didn’t feel I had the right to complain about anything, for example in shops or restaurants when the service wasn’t up to scratch. I guess this isn’t helped by not wanting to live up to the stigma of a whingeing Pom!! But, I genuinely didn’t feel comfortable throwing my weight around in case I was just ignorant about how things work in Oz.

I’m pleased to say this insecurity has passed…although it’s perhaps less pleasing for the checkout assistant I moaned at recently for throwing potatoes on top of the bread in my shopping trolley because he was trying to get me through the till too quickly, but that’s another story.

Even though I’m feeling settled and have started to assert myself in situations like that I wonder how much longer it’s going to take until Australia feels like home and I feel like I belong.

Another thought I’ve had is that my children are going to grow up as Australians; when they turn eighteen and no doubt want to go and live in London for a few years they’ll be Aussies through and through, they’ll probably want to live in Shepherd’s Bush! But when people ask me where I’m from will I still be saying England? Will I ever be Australian or does English Australian sound more like it?

Related articles: We’ve come a long way – One year in Australia: The series, All the decisions!, Making friends in Australia is easier than you think, What did you give up to move to Australia?, Mum’s gone 2 Sydney: First impressions series.